I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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