Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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