I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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