all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
