Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
be right there i have to get my cape
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
