Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
