I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
