Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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