Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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