They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
