This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
