just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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