Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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