remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
