You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You ate ashes out of my bong
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