I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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