So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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