When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
