My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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