D3 body, D1 cock
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
