Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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