Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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