I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Pooping to opera.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
