this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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