she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
