i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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