I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
