My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
