The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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