is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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