I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
