i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
