There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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