remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
