who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
