Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
