I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
