i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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