i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
