I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
