I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
