I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
