since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
