After last night, I could never be a politician.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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