Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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