I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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