he thought i was a dude.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
