she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
