alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
