This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
