you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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