i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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