I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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