I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
