The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Who died my cat blue again?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
