I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
