I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
