this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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