I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
