What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
