I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
