just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize