he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
